A Shout for the Lonely

I've really been struggling with loneliness the last month... No, for the last year. My hearts been broken one too many times by people who were my friends. Who lashed out at me for no reason or just abandoned me.

I'm not a social butterfly, my younger sister inherited those gene's. But, I don't like being alone. I'm best with close intimate friends and family surrounding me.

I've always been the strong one. The encourager. The shoulder to lean or cry on. To cheer them up and make them smile again. I've always been glad to be there for others.

But this past year, I just haven't been strong enough to be that person. Not because I don't want to be. I wish I could just say "Bibidi Babadi Boo" and revert back to being the strong one. I feel like all my reserves have been tapped dry.

Nowadays, if someone comes to me, needing advice or a friend to lean on, my mind draws a blank. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like whoever I used to be has withdrawn into the deepest cave and is nowhere to be found. And, I feel everything I try to say or do isn't real. Like, I'm just acting what I think I know. Maybe I am subconsciously just second guessing myself. Every where I turn is another blank space. And, that that's why I can never find her.

I wonder.

Am I not meant to find her again and merely grow into something new?
Or is that my heart has hard chiseled edges now that need to be smoothed out?

I don't know which one it is, but what I do know is that they both need Jesus.

Jesus to lead, Jesus to rub off those rough edges.

It's hard. It hurts. Sometimes, a lot. I have to keep remembering, learning, building, keeping my foundation in Him.

And right now, that's all I can do.

~~~~~

A challenge to all of you.

Be patient with those around you.
Initiate with people who surround you.
Don't wait for them to come to you.

Let them know you are thinking about them, and keep interacting without expecting anything in return.
Sometimes, all they need is a pair of arms wrapped around them and to be reminded that "everything is going to be okay".

It's as simple as that.

~~~~

A shout out to those of you feeling alone.

Jesus knows your pain, He too suffered, but not just because of that. Because of his love for you, he hurts whenever we hurt. Have you ever hurt when you saw someone close to you hurting? That's how Jesus feels about you. He seeks to comfort you every time your heart feels empty. To catch every tear you shed. He know and never leaves your side.

So, really, you aren't so alone.

God bless and be with you, Amen.

GOD SHOWED UP AND SHOWED OUT!

Thank you everyone for your prayers! I have a tale to tell you. But in the words of my dad, I'll share what he wrote to everyone! 


"GOD SHOWED UP AND SHOWED OUT!!!!
Hi Everyone! Thank you all so very much for taking time to pray for my wife and our family today! We had a very long day, but I have great news to share! My wife'ss Triponon levels (the chemical released when you have muscle damage to your heart) continued to 
rise all last night and even more today. The doctors told us that they were very concerned that my wife was not doing well at all and they needed to get her to the cath lab right away! They even had a Cardiothoracic surgeon on standby in case she were to need open heart surgery. 
At 2:00am this morning a very close friend and brother came up to the hospital and prayed with her and I asking The Lord to touch her in such a way that it would be undeniable that it was HIS HAND OF HEALING; that there would be absolutely no signs of damage, no blockages, no surgery needed and that she would be perfectly whole!
Friends and family..... GOD SHOWED UP! The doctors came out of the cath lab and said while they knew she surely had a heart attack, there was absolutely NO heart muscle damage, NO blockages, not even any plaque! "GO FIGURE THAT" he said! He said her heart was perfect in every way.... unexplainable for someone who clearly had a heart attack! DOES GOD STILL HEAL???? YES HE DOES!!! And why should we be amazed that HE will do what HE PROMISES to do in HIS word!
After a few hours more in the hospital, many nurses and hospital staff stopping by to tell us how remarkable that was, and many tears of gratefulness & JOY, she's at home and resting! PRAISE GOD!
Thank you all again for all of the prayers, phone calls, and messages! We felt HIS PRESENCE and your love in such a powerful way! We are blessed to have each of you in our lives! God used you today!!! We were eye witnesses to answered prayer!
We love you all and are so very grateful!!"


AMEN!

Altar-Cation: A Call to Prayer

I'm sure many of you have heard of the Ebola breakout in Africa on the news. I'm sure you've also heard of the the medical missionaries who have been stricken by this awful virus. I first heard about Dr. Kent Brantly when KLove Radio announced that he had the chance of getting ill but then the next morning I hear on the news that he had indeed become infected. I quickly prayed for him and his family.

I caught a cold the other day and as I was jokingly whining to my sisters about how much I hate being sick, God whispered, "at least that is all you have." He was right. I felt humbled and began praying immediately again for Dr. Brantly and his family, as well as the people who are now infected and dying from something much more serious than my little summer cold. 

Something really hit me last night though. As I was scrolling through Facebook I saw friends posting links from ABCNews and other news links about Nancy Writebol and Dr. Kent Brantly who are ill with the virus and how they are coming home to America. I'm sure these people's families are glad to have their loved ones home even if they aren't quite together yet. At least they aren't thousands and thousands of miles away. However, it wasn't the news of the virus coming to America coming here that drew my attention and concern. Comments from people about the news is what took me by surprise.

"Greaaaattt." and "Pull out the masks, Atlanians."

Echoes of "We don't want you here" resounded in my subconscious. The same way people might have said or thought about Leapers in Jesus's day. Those are the mildest of comments on this matter but I didn't dare look through the rest. It would've broken my heart. I'm sure some people don't think there words will ever  really be seen or heard by anyone, but they are wrong. People hear, people see, and people follow. I'm all for not getting sick. Believe me, I hate it just as much as the next folk. But what has happened to us, as Christians? That all we think about is ourselves, our comfort, our own well being above that of our brothers and sisters? 

I ask: Would you really condemn them for doing what God called them, as missionaries, to do because it makes you uncomfortable when calamity happens? Of course, this virus is nothing to sneeze at.  I believe in taking precautions and it should be taken seriously... then why aren't we standing together as the Christian soldiers we claim to be and turning to God with all this? Why aren't we praying, asking him to heal those who are sick and protect those who aren't? Why are we closing our arms when we should be spreading them wide open? So, as long as they aren't right next door it's okay to send our prayers out to them without restraints, with full compassion and understanding? Instead, groans fill the air and people draw back into their shells. Taking all our support and prayers with them. Why are we so quick to give our opinions and decisions but forget to put our trust in God?

Jesus hung around sick people ALL THE TIME! People with illness's just as serious back then or more than what we face today. Back then there were no vaccine's to help, no comfortable beds to lie your head on as you rested and became well again. No, instead, you would be cast out, ostracized, cut off from the community, your family and friends. Have we put all our faith within human limits, which we know fails, and lost all faith in The Almighty who never fails?

I spent many hours writing this because I truly felt God calling me to share these words. This is not a rant. This is not a blame game. These fingers are not pointing at you, these hands are crying out, "Lift up! Lift them up to the sky!" Rather than moaning and casting stones, praise God for not being ill stricken like these people in Africa. Praise God that you are not suffering through a loved one who has fallen ill like these families are experiencing right now. Praise God that he is with us ALWAYS! 

God says, "giver your worries to me for I care for you." He is not just saying, "I care about you and you're well being." He is saying, "I will take care of you".

Those are action words. 

We need to act as well. Don't just say, "I am praying for [insert your prayers]" but truly do it as often in your day as you can, and then some. Do it when your washing the dishes, driving to work, playing with your family. Steal as many moments of prayer as you can. No one needs to know how much your praying either. Just talk to God as if you were talking to your brother or sister, husband and wife, friends. 

"But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you." ~Matthew 6:6 (NLT)

We are followers of Christ. Let's gather together and not let the devil get a foothold in our hearts and our country. Let's take up our cross and instead of groaning and constantly worrying, pray for God's healing and protection and then believe he will do it!

Honestly, all these dystopian movies Hollywood is producing and these books being published, it's setting a fear in peoples hearts that wasn't meant to be there. Will the world end one day, yes! Read Revelations to find the truth, because all those movies and books are nothing but man-made fiction intended to scare you. 

See this diagram below? The top example shows the switch; it looks like a door to me. What if that is the door we are allowing the Devil to put his foot through? If you know anything about electricity and circuitry I applaud you When its open it stops the flow of positive energy and it can't reach the light bulb.

However, when that switch is closed the light bulb comes to life. Much is the same for our way of faith. If we let the devil get a foothold into our life and into our hearts the positive energy gets disrupted and it can't reach its destination. It can't light up the darkness.

"Light shines in the darkness for the godly. They are generous, compassionate, and righteous." ~Psalms 112:14 (NLT)

"No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house." ~Matthew 5:15 (NLT)

Let's close the door on Satan and let God's current of life, love, flow through us and shine his wondrous light in this world blinded by fear. Let's bring our worries and cares before the altar of The Lamb. Let's encourage those around us not to be afraid and rest in the assurance of Christ. Because I believe even the least negativity is still negative.

Lets pray over the souls we have yet to meet but who need healing, physically and spiritually. Because if they believe and have accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior then even if their, or your, bodies, perish here on earth their spirits move on to be with God forever in Heaven. Let's not forget who we are. We are children of God, his warriors, his cherished and beloved ones. He loves us and we need constant communication with Him if we hope to see change in the world. If we truly believe in God and his love than what do we really have to be afraid of? 

Prayer Starter: Dear Jesus, we ask you to be with Dr. Kent Brantly and Nancy Writebol. They were out there helping those less than they and were attacked with this awful virus. Heal them of this sickness, fully and completely. We know they are coming home and people are worried they might get sick as well. Keep them safe from harm Lord and put their minds at ease because I know you are with us. Change the hearts of those who are worried and help them welcome these missionaries home. 

Have compassion on the people in Africa and have mercy on them. Show them your loving kindness through the midst of this tragedy and pain. Help us to not act out wrongly in fear and to trust you more with our lives. In Jesus name we pray, Amen. 

Authors Note: I got the idea for the title of this post as I was thinking about bringing our worries before the Lord. How we bring our burdens to the altar and the word Altercation came up. Altercation means to have a loud disagreement. So I played on the words. I looked up "Cation" and it is the positive ION charge in things like batteries. I think you can piece together the rest from how the post went. God didn't just have me write this post but had me praying the entire time. For the peopling coming to the US, their families, and for all of you out there reading and not reading this. I don't think I've ever felt quite that way before. Have a wonderful day! 

GOD BLESS!

Once A Shy Little Butterfly

So, I've been thinking... I really want to involve more of your readers out there in this blog of mine. I used to think "Oh, they'll just jump in when they feel like it." But then I realized, I have to really give you something to jump in with! So far, I haven't really done that. I've always enjoyed talking to people but at one time I was the very shy butterfly (sometimes I still am that!).

If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them. Just leave a comment in the box below. How can I involve you, my readers, in my blog posts?

Now to give you a little taste of my day, a tweet from this morning!

Woken by one of our cats jailbreaking😼the kittens out of the bedtime carrier! 🙀 Why? So she could could get in! #sillycat #needsleepnow #lol
— Victoria (@MissTadoodles) May 14, 2014

Be Still: Part III

Welcome back. Here is my last post on Be Still. I hope you've been able to gain something from this. I'm still learning it and striving to do better.

That weekend my parents had planned to go to a christian gospel concert "The Crabb Family" concert. I was excited for them to go (they don't get much alone time or get to go anywhere just the two of them) and have a good time, but due to some sudden circumstances that week my parents decided to take us with them. My sister and I got to stay in the hotel and watch "The Hobbit"! Which neither of us had seen yet. It was nice and fun to get away for a while.

However, during that quiet and peaceful time someone kept surfacing to the forefront of my mind. I cried quite a few times during the movie because it made me think of him (LOTR's were his favorite movies). Long story short, this boy broke my heart not too long ago. After he pushed me away I tried to forgive him because I knew it was the right thing to do. And, honestly, the only way I was going to move past it all. It had been a few months since I thought about him. I'd been focusing on recovering because I had a lot of emotional pain. I really loved him, but not just in a romantic way.
That never got in my way of our brother/sister friendship. But it was all tossed away like a scrap of paper and I lost the only brother I ever had (I'm the oldest of three sisters). It truly tore me apart.

Through our entire relationship God had helped me keep any feelings from dissolving our friendship. No matter what my feelings may have been so long as we kept the brother/sister friendship I would be okay. Romantic feelings will pass, especially when you hand them over to God {1 Peter 5:7}. And so I did.

Even after I told this guy I had feelings for him and he said he wasn't interested, I helped him pursue another girl. I even made friends with her and we got along really well. Ironic, right?


After I finally said enough was enough, I'd been finding it extremely difficult to forgive him. He'd hurt me so bad in the months leading to the end. The arguments, pushing me away, etc,. They churned in my mind and heart until a bitter poison coursed through my veins; that bitterness aiming for my heart. It became so embedded in me that I couldn't read God's word for encouragement and comfort without feeling hurt, angry, argumentative, and confused. When I realized how bad it had gotten it made me even sadder because that's not what I wanted. I didn't want my relationship with Christ to be estranged. He stuck by me, helped me through all those times, and he hadn't stopped now. He didn't want to me lock myself  away with the lights off. He didn't want me to be sad, hurt, and alone. But the only one who could ask for help was... Me.

He was already there and waiting. I began praying. Asking him to heal me. I wanted my that closeness back with Jesus so badly. I had a lot of healing left and only He was going to get me through it.

It took some time. At first it was very hard to push through that hurt, but God sent a random person (though she couldn't have been truly random if God sent her!) my way that helped and put some salve on my wounds.

I posted previously about her: Getting Over Your Ex w/ Jesus! by Deeanna Scott. If your having trouble getting over an Ex-bf/gf than I highly recommend reading her posts. Or even if you aren't, its worth sparing a few minutes to read. Her message felt like it came straight from God! It was exactly what I needed to hear.

Back to that weekend, it had been two months since I started asking for God's help and healing. I had been thinking less and less of my friend so it was strange when I suddenly kept thinking about him for no real reason.
After The Hobbit, I got a notification that he signed up for an app that I had. Coincidence? It made me think twice about it and so I began asking God to show me what it was he wanted me to do. A week of praying and I got my answer: I needed to tell him I forgave him. I didn't know if he harbored any hard feelings towards me since I was the one who technically ended it, but when I thought about it I didn't want him to grow in the same bitterness from regret and guilt as I had been. No matter how much I wanted him to know the pain he caused, I didn't want him to live with that burden forever.

I composed an email (there was no way I could talk to him, if he would have even talked to me) and sent it. I didn't care if he emailed me back; I almost asked him not to. I wasn't there to be a friend to him again. I just wanted him to know I forgave him and even apologized for anything I may have said or done wrong.
He replied back an hour later. Sometimes I really wished he hadn't and just left it to me to assume he received it and did with it whatever he wanted. At least I had forgiven him, finally, and could truly move on.
I was scared to read it, I didn't know if he was going to be angry or want to try being friends again. Neither of which I wanted. But I had to trust in Jesus that there was a reason he wanted me to go through all this. So, I opened it.

I cried. He wasn't angry, but the reply was... so forced. He only said what he said out of obligation. There was no heart or sincerity like before. I might have even overlooked it, but some things he said kind of hurt. Like when he said he had 'already forgiven any feelings he had hurt from me'. So he didn't forgive me but forgave himself for being hurt by me? So did he forgive me or just himself?
After reading his apology, forced or not, I was glad he saw what he had done wrong (he apologized for things I never thought he'd see) and prayed again he would continue to grow from it and would be able to do better now.
However, he couldn't leave it at just that, he had to tell me how he is now (less than two months later) engaged to be married (to a different girl). Why did he need to add that? Why couldn't we have just parted ways without knowing anything else about the other? He already made it clear we could never be friends and I had made it clear I wasn't coming back. So since we're not going to be a part of each other's lives, neither of us needed to know how the other was doing or what we've been doing or what our future plans were. As sad as it makes me to say it, I think he wanted to see what my reaction would be. Why? I don't think I want to know. Since it would just raise more questions and hurt that much more.

Though the apology was bittersweet, instead of letting the bitter part come back inside I asked God to help me accept the good in the email and say goodbye. That's when I realized this wasn't about me freeing my friend from pain and guilt, but freeing me! I had yet to completely let him go. I had been in that healing process and I was finally at the next step: forgiveness for myself. I didn't know it, but God had it all planned out. I sent my final goodbye email, thanking him for apologizing and wishing and blessing him on the rest of his journey.

It was a grieving yet humbling experience. Never in my life so far had I had to let someone once so close and so precious to me, go. But I know he's in God's hands. I'm not God, I can't fix him or change him. I was brought into his life to help him for a season in his life. I didn't walk away empty-handed though. I gained a lot from the experience during and after.

I learned:

• What it feels like to be loved
• That God's love is 100x more than even that love
• Who I'm supposed to rely on completely: Jesus!
• That I am capable of more than I thought
• Forgiveness {Ephesians 4:31-32}
• I'm more secure in myself than I realized
• And that I am able to truly live out that kind of love {1 Cor 13:4-7}

And I'm learning more as I seek Him.

Throughout that entire experience starting from part I of this post, was that God was whispering* this to me through everything during those two weeks: "Be still and know that I am God. Though these people have hurt you, I will heal you. Though you are sad, I will dry your tears. Though you feel alone, My arms are wrapped around you tenderly but firmly and they will never let you go. I will take care of you because I Love You."


It's an overwhelming yet calming feeling.

*My youngest sister quoted back to me from one of her books during this time as well.

"God whispers because he is close." -- Crash the Chatter Box, Steven Furtick

That couldn't be any truer. :) GOD BLESS.

Be Still: part I
Be Still: part II